If you’ve been dating for a while with no success, you may feel down about the whole process. You may even start to think, “Why should I bother?”
It’s a bad cycle, and a common one, but it can be avoided. The key is to change your way of thinking. Do any of the following negative thought patterns sound familiar to you?
1) The “Nobody’s As Good As My Ex-Boyfriend” Blues
Your last boyfriend was the best guy in the world and you’ll never find anyone like him again. This is what you tell yourself every time you even think of looking for someone new.
Okay, first of all, do you think your ex is spending this much time thinking about you? Do you think he is letting your memory get in the way of his future happiness? Realize that you broke up with your boyfriend for a reason (or if he broke up with you, then he’s really an idiot!). Understand that it is very likely you will find someone again—providing, that is, you try. Realize that no two people are alike, so no, you will not find someone exactly like your boyfriend but you will very likely find someone compatible—and yes, better, than your ex. Consider your ex a bullet that has been dodged and move on.
2) The “I’m Not Hot Enough to Get the Kind of Man I Find Attractive” Sadness
Take heart: Most people are insecure about their appearance. It’s a byproduct of the looks-obsessed culture we live in. But you shouldn’t let your poor self-esteem get in the way of going for what you want.
Here’s one thing to keep in mind: We are always our harshest critics. Other people might never even notice the flaws we see in ourselves. The best thing you can do is play up your good features—like your big baby blues or muscular physique—and then let go of the worry. (And don’t forget: A charming personality makes anyone handsome.) The bottom line is: You have no idea who will or won’t be attracted to you, so why spend time thinking about it?
3) The “I’m Too Old To Go Back on the Dating Scene” Depression
I won’t sugarcoat it for you: There is a lot of age-related prejudice on the dating scene. And by age-related I mean people who think 30 is too old. But there are also many people out there who are looking for someone your age, whether that’s 33, 43, or 73! Stack the odds in your favor by going to age-appropriate events or bars. And of course online dating is always a great option, for whatever age you are. Don’t let your fear of rejection keep you from going on the dating scene. You are never too old to find happiness, and you are only as young as you feel. Consider Mick Jagger. Now, is he too old to date? You need to have his attitude. Think of yourself as sexy and the rest of the world will follow.
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